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Thread: Why your team sucks - Ravens
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08-16-2018, 10:33 PM #13
Re: Why your team sucks - Ravens
The humor was sparse. I've read these things for years and I could have guessed the formula before I read it:
Ray Lewis murder comments - check
John Harbaugh whiner - check
Joe Flacco not elite - check
Baltimore is a bad city - check
obligatory reference to The Wire - check
It's like a joke that was funny the first time you heard it but after hearing it for the tenth time it's just not funny anymore - it's just recycled.
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08-17-2018, 02:15 AM #14
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08-17-2018, 02:46 AM #15Pro Bowl Poster
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
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- Towson
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Re: Why your team sucks - Ravens
It needs to be more original and there is plenty to point to that COULD be funny and a little deeper:
1. OBJ terrible combine results evoke memories of Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man
2. Hayden Hurst already has an application in to Blakehurst (that's a retirement community)
3. Didn't draft BPA at 16 because they were going to draft offense, dammit.
4. Hired a DC with a single terrible year of NFL experience when they could have had almost anyone
5. Ray Lewis--go with the bad speech and how uncomfortable it made his own kids.
6. Reduced concession prices are supposed to be a substitute for getting the shaftastic 1st and 4th PS games at home.
7. Retirement of Ozzie--really? From his drafts it looks like he retired 10 years ago.
8. Baltimore fans hoping they can they can squeak into the playoffs so they can dress up warmly for a game in another city which they'll win for no good reason, but inevitably lose in the divisional round.
9. Addition of 2 TEs and Crabtree is 60% of the way to goal of having all eligible receivers run 5-yard routes
10. Annual overreaction to preseason performance reaches new highs with 10th straight PS win.
That's literally all you have to do for one of these formulaic hack pieces and it took about 7 minutes. Now get a snarky wannabe sportswriter to flesh it out and you have it.
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08-17-2018, 09:57 AM #16
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08-17-2018, 10:01 AM #17
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08-19-2018, 10:14 AM #18Pro Bowl Poster
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- Posts
- 2,459
Re: Why your team sucks - Ravens
"This team was designed to please suburban racist dads in bad golf shirts, and they’ve got their methods down to a science. These fans booed a prayer. Fuck them with a whole steamed crab."
I lol'd
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