Top 10 Reasons the Pats Will Get Tebowed!

[Kyle Cactus]

I'm hoping for a Broncos win so the Ravens can potentially get a home game for the AFC Championship. After racking my brain trying to convince myself this was possible I finally had a breakthrough.

The Top 10 Reasons The Patriots Are About To Get Tebowed

1. Since 2008, the President of the United States has been constitutionally required to wear a Tebow onesie to bed every night.


2. They say Chuck Norris can cure cancer with his tears, but I heard he's too busy asking Tim Tebow to cry on his career.


3. My mother thinks Tim Tebow has nice eyes.


4. Since the end of the Cold War the White House has generalized the use of the "Red Phone" for any apocalyptic emergencies. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays that phone is a direct line to Tim Tebow.


5. Tim Tebow has only attempted 1 overtime pass in a playoff game. It was the longest overtime TD pass in NFL playoff history. It was also the only Steelers playoff game in the last decade that didn't end with Hines Ward crying. He was too busy Tebowing.


6. I was going to include a joke about God asking Tim Tebow for permission to end the world, but as I was typing I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Tim Tebow. He sternly reminded me that that would be blasphemy.


7. When Tim Tebow reminded me not to commit blasphemy just now, I almost didn't hear him because I was too busy gazing into his eyes.


8. For his 16th birthday, Tebow was taken on a vacation to upstate New York. While there he witnessed a young child trying to stick his finger in a light socket. To save the child from injury he quickly prayed for a blackout. At the time, the Northeast blackout of 2003 was the 2nd most widespread blackout in history. Google it.


9. The Most Interesting Man in the World prefers to listen to stories about Tim Tebow.
:T2:

10. Gisele asked Tom Brady to get her a Tebow jersey for Christmas. Brady got himself one too.