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01-26-2013, 12:55 AM #1
Heroes & Goats (Lamar Hunt Trophy Edition)
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this are for entertainment purposes only and in no way reflect the beliefs of the management or administration of this delightful website. Any similarities to persons alive, dead, or Lee Evans is purely coincidental. And speaking of Lee, with his bitch-hands removed from the equation this season, the Mighty Ravens were able to roll up their sleeves, BUCKle Up and put foot to ass, leading us nicely into this AFC Championship edition of- Heroes & Goats...
1) JOE FLACCO- Outplayed Brady the Lady, manhandled the Patriots defense and totally avenged the loss from last year's playoff game like a BOSS. In fact, you slit his team's throat with such razor precision at GILLETTE Stadium that Bob Kraft may be calling you after the Super Bowl with an endorsement deal!
2) ANQUAN BOLDIN/DENNIS PITTA- Q, you said we'd win and I'll be dipped in shit if you didn't force the issue. Those Patriots DBs didn't know whether to be impressed or embarassed Sunday night!/I've already annointed you my favorite Ravens TE ever and you're easily as tough as any we've had in Purple and Black. Somebody should authorize Pitta to receive hazardous duty pay!
3) RAVENS DEFENSE- Giving up field goals instead of touchdowns was HUGE! Pounding the Patriots offense for 60 minutes like Traci Lords in a 10-man gangbang was COLOSSAL!! Snatching 3 turnovers and the hearts of Chowdaheads everywhere...PRICELESS!!!
4) RAVENS OFFENSIVE LINE- The way you dudes have been protecting him lately, Flacco has to be happier than James Harrison at a BALCO orgy!
5) RAVENS FANS- There's nothing more beautiful than seeing our fanbase travel well when it counts-- In the playoffs!! Well, maybe not better than seeing us celebrate with our AFC Champion Ravens as helpless zipperhead SpyGate fans choke wicked hawd on their Sam Adams Bawston Lawgah!! Next Stop: NEW ORLEANS!!
1) TOM BRADY- Throwing your cleated foot towards Ed Reed's groin region was a true BITCH move, bro. Have fun at home modeling UGGS instead of backing up Peyton Manning in the Pro Bowl, PUSSY...
2) PHIL SIMMS- The more you talk, the more I'm convinced that Jeff Hostetler would be a better option...AGAIN!
3) NFL OFFICIALS- You flag-happy sons of bitches can suck a fat baby's dick for allowing Pitta to nearly be decapitated without so much as batting an eye!!
4) CHYKIE BROWN/COREY GRAHAM- Look, I don't give a shit who's fault it was on that Welker TD... Both of you schmucks need to learn how to communicate like RAVENS!
5) ED DICKSON- You look like Tarzan, yet play like Jane... WTF MAN?