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  1. #1

    Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)



    DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this post are for entertainment purposes only and in no way reflect the beliefs of the management or administration of this delightful website. Any similarities to persons alive, dead, or Lee Evans is purely coincidental. So without further ado, shut your mouth, know your role, sit your ass down and settle in for this Divisional Round edition of- Heroes & Goats...



    HEROES:

    1) TORREY SMITH/JACOBY JONES- Only Jacques Cousteau and John Holmes have had more success going DEEP than you two did Saturday. The poor Broncos secondary should've been issued rape whistles before the game.

    2) COREY GRAHAM- Special teams player MY ASS! You deserve theme music after your heroic performance...Rock on, bro!

    2A) JUSTIN TUCKER- Blessed with the face of a homeless pothead and the foot/heart of a cold-blooded assassin. TUCK YEAH!!

    3) JOE FLACCO- Droppin' F-Bombs in the high altitude that ironically had Denver fans gasping for air proved that JOE. KNOWS. FOOTBALL. Didn't Manning know that freezing temperatures ain't nothing to a dude colder than Eskimo Pussy?

    3A) OFFENSIVE LINE- None of the offense's production would have been possible without our new & improved, realigned offensive line... Moving Oher to where he can suck the least was a stroke of genius and you men held an absolute BLOCK PARTY in Colorado...Without the legalized weed, of course.

    4) TERRELL SUGGS/PAUL KRUGER/PERNELL MCPHEE- The way you dudes smacked Manning around back there in the second half, he had to be thinking Omar from The Wire was coming for his ass next!!

    5) RAY RICE- A steady diet of Rice was just what the doctor ordered for keeping Denver off balance. No retreat, No surrender, No fumbles, NO PROBLEMS!




    GOATS:

    1) BRENDON AYANBADEJO- For the record, it's not a GOOD thing when your keyboard speaks louder than your play on the field, Twidiot...

    2) SPECIAL TEAMS COVERAGE- WTF Man?? I've seen Brazilian thongs that cover better than you dudes did in Denver!! FIX IT!!

    3) MICHAEL OHER- Even though it's being masked somewhat, you still suck donkey balls as a starting tackle on an NFL playoff contender... Not to beat a dead horse or anything.

    4) ED REED- Not used to your game being so quiet in the postseason. At least Knowshon Moreno didn't hurdle you this time, though.

    5) DAN DIERDORF- You and the mayor of Boston seem to share a similar pool of football knowledge.
    Last edited by RAVENOUS52; 01-20-2013 at 04:17 AM.




  2. #2
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    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    I would add Ellerbe and Ray to the heroes list, and take Oher out, he had a fantastic game against Von Miller, and completely stone walled him at the best of times.
    Last edited by leachisabeast; 01-20-2013 at 04:57 AM.




  3. #3

    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    Yeah, Ray and Ellerbe deserve props but fuck it, I'm tired.

    Oher had his moments, but he still takes too many plays off for me.

    UNLEASH THE BEASTS!!!!




  4. #4
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    Which game did you watch? Oher had a fantastic game against a great pass rusher. As for the idea that he takes plays off... SMH. Effort 110% of the time is the one thing he does as well as any lineman in the league.

    Some fans see what they expect even when reality doesn't agree I guess.
    My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging. -Hank Aaron




  5. #5
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    Ed Reed is quiet because he is staying deep and keeping it all underneath. His staying in position is helping us win.
    Facebook -> Craig.Ciurca
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  6. #6
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    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    I'm usually a fan of these and you're almost always spot on..but this one not so much. Oher doesn't take plays off..the only great thing about him is his tireless effort, even if it sometimes doesn't translate into his play. Reed was 'quiet' because he was quietly taking away the deep ball....ALL GAME. Manning himself attributes the lack of deep balls to Ed and Pollard, as far as I'm concerned he's a hero too. You sure have Dierdorf pegged though!




  7. #7
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    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    Quote Originally Posted by rlh445 View Post
    I'm usually a fan of these and you're almost always spot on..but this one not so much.
    Concur. OP's prose walks the tightrope between mildly-offensive-but-very-funny & very-offensive-if-mildly-humorous & this time he falls off on the latter side. Specifically, "rape whistles" are not funny under any circumstances; "homeless pothead" to describe the Dapper Young Mister Tucker is tacky as well as inaccurate; & the criticisms leveled at the RT-du-jour & HOF FS are, as Spammy Bot & rlh445 have noted, pure horse manOher.




  8. #8

    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    Glad to hear your opinions, even if a bit whiny. Unlike some I'm not afraid of criticism or having an unpopular opinion. Read it and move on, I say!

    UNLEASH THE BEASTS!!!!




  9. #9
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    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    You aren't going to get away with suggesting Justin Tucker's face is anything short of beautiful and magnificent.




  10. #10

    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    Quote Originally Posted by rlh445 View Post
    I'm usually a fan of these and you're almost always spot on..but this one not so much. Oher doesn't take plays off..the only great thing about him is his tireless effort, even if it sometimes doesn't translate into his play. Reed was 'quiet' because he was quietly taking away the deep ball....ALL GAME. Manning himself attributes the lack of deep balls to Ed and Pollard, as far as I'm concerned he's a hero too. You sure have Dierdorf pegged though!

    Good points; however, there's no way the front office will pay $7 million "because he was quietly taking away the deep ball." He gets paid for knocking down passes and making picks. Those attributes are long gone. I love Ed Reed's contributions for the past decade, but he's headed towards becoming over-the-hill.

    =============================================================================================


    Quote Originally Posted by lobachevsky View Post
    Concur. OP's prose walks the tightrope between mildly-offensive-but-very-funny & very-offensive-if-mildly-humorous & this time he falls off on the latter side. Specifically, "rape whistles" are not funny under any circumstances; "homeless pothead" to describe the Dapper Young Mister Tucker is tacky as well as inaccurate; & the criticisms leveled at the RT-du-jour & HOF FS are, as Spammy Bot & rlh445 have noted, pure horse manOher.
    Lighten up Francis! No one else who routinely participates here provides such a great blend of humor and football knowledge. I particularly liked the "homeless pothead" and "Dapper Young Mister Tucker" descriptions.

    Ravenous 52 has been a major contributor to this message board and its predecessors for 13+ years. You are a newbie ... so: back off!
    In a 2003 BBC poll that asked Brits to name the "Greatest American Ever", Mr. T came in fourth, behind ML King (3rd), Abe Lincoln (2nd) and Homer Simpson (1st).




  11. #11
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    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    Now, two of the criticisms are unfounded. But, "colder than Eskimo pussy" is the best line you've had. IMO.




  12. #12

    Re: Heroes & Goats (Mile High Miracle Divisional Round Edition)

    I read the Disclaimer, everything is funny, maybe not totally true, but funny different. Thanks for the post. Do you personally know that Joe is that cold?




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