New York,Tuesday, Nov. 13, 2012 (AP): NFL ANNOUNCES "ROETHLISBERGER RULE"
In a not-unanticipated move, NFL Commissioner Roger Greedell announced that due to the injury to his throwing arm, the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger will be allowed to punt the ball downfield in lieu of passing. Referees have been instructed to call Defensive Pass Interference on any opposing player who attempts to catch the ball or prevent the intended receiver from catching it.
"We considered letting him use a JUGS machine," Greedell said, "but we decided the risk of the poor fragile boy tweaking his tender hamstrings pushing it around the field was just too great."
the new rule will apply only to games versus AFC North opponents that the Steelers have a significant chance of losing. "Cleveland, meh," Greedell was quoted as saying, "Pittsburgh could put a lamed jackass in as QB & still blow them out." (Steelers backup QB Brian Leftwich was unavailable for comment.)
Greedell emphasized that as in the infamous Bush v Gore Supreme Court decision of 2000, this should not be construed as setting a precedent. "The sole purpose of this rule is to make sure the much-beloved Pittsburgh team wouldn't be put at a disadvantage versus those dastardly & universally hated black birds from Baltimore."