Welcome to my weekly analysis of the NFL. A new feature you are sure to enjoy as much as I enjoy shooting out the front door and running like hell while Greg yells a cavalcade of 4 letter words that would make Richard Pryor blush.
Let's start with why I am putting this up even though one game is still to be played this week. Well, who gives a shit about Oakland and Seattle, a couple of bitches each led by their own versions of bitches. Is Al Davis alive? I got a strong temptation to bury him whenever I see him. And Mike Holmgren? This guy whined like a Bengals WR after the Super Bowl last year. Note to Holmgren, learn not to make Brian Billick's two minute drills look stellar before whining about officiating. 2 halves in the Super Bowl, 2 terrible 2 minute drills.
Let's start with the AFCN because that's all we really care about anyway. Is Ben Iwanttochewthatburger really that bad? Yes, he is, take away stellar OL play, a very good running game and toss in a little pressure and this guy folds like a cheap card table under the weight on Siragusa. Maybe when they fixed him up after he ran his face into a windshield at 35 MPH they crossed up his eyes. But then again, he was a bitch before that when ever the pressure was on. But hey, they have those great LBs, right. Did you see those 2, TWO tackles Joey Pussyporter had. He got one with an incredible flop onto a RB who fell down. Guess what category BulletBoy falls into. BITCH!
The Browns? I think I can explain why Christmas displays come out earlier and earlier every year. There is some kind of correlation with Christmas marketing and the Cleveland Browns. When they are out of the playoff race Christmas season apparently begins. Next year when a prime player goes down in their training camp and you see your first Santa Claus, think of me. Anyway, bitches from the owner down to the water boy.
The Bengals are bringing new meaning to the word bitch. I've seen virgin toy poodles with more separation in their private area than Chad Bitchson can get from DBs this year. And this TJ Bitchmanyada, I haven't seen a melt down like that helmet toss since Greg's daughter Allison was told Cheezits aren't an option for breakfast. Check that, the 2 year old actually held it together better. At least they had one Bogey's Boy on the team, that Chris Henry shot down the sideline like he had spent his offeason running from the cops carrying heavy TV sets. And let me give a tail wag to Rudi Johnson, he got by Ray on the goal line and actually looked like he had a pair. We'll make him one of my boys as well.
The Ravens had a few boys yesterday. I would have given a big face lick to the whole OL if it weren't Mike Flynn-Astaire and his graceful foot stomp onto the QB, not to mention that shotgun snap that had less accuracy than a North Korean missile. Let's make the rest of them boys and give Flynn the pooper scooper to clean up his act. My next boy is Steve McNair. A very solid day leading the offense. He is sharing this award with Derrick Mason who saved him from his one mistake which could have cost the day. Next up, my boy D. Williams. This guy makes the most of his limited playing time and catches everything thrown his way. Let me just say Heap will always be one of my boys. Mark Clayton, big time boy, really stepping up. Over on the defense, AD, he's da man, and one of my boys. The DL as a group, boys. :thumbup: Great keeping the running games in check. If our DBs could cover Stephen Hawking on half battery power we would be shutting everybody out.
Notable boys from around the league. That Peyton Manning played a pretty good game, I'll make him one of my boys but I still want to take a dump in his locker because he plays for an Irsay. Marvin Harrison must have those octopus suckers on his hand, definite Bogey's boy but also needs me to make a delivery into one of his shoes. That DL in Indy is a pile of BITCH. Maybe those guys should load up Immodium AD in pre-game to help control the runs.
Tom Brady, Greg's fantasy QB starter who cost him this week's game with that last pick, BITCH! You won't see that very often but this week he is my bitch, and Manning's.
That's all I have time for this week. See you all next week with another round up. Heck, maybe sooner if I feel like correcting some especially stupid takes around here.
And remember, if I don't put my paw of approval on it, it ain't worth the last load I left behind the shed.
